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- BOOKS, Page 85Public Life, Private Trouble
-
-
- By NANCY GIBBS
-
- NOW YOU KNOW
- by Kitty Dukakis with Jane Scovell
- Simon & Schuster; 315 pages; $19.95
-
-
- Readers eager to forget the dispiriting 1988 Bush-Dukakis
- race might be put off by the dust jacket of this book. It
- promises that would-be First Lady Kitty Dukakis will take us
- "behind the scenes to show us what it was really like on the
- national campaign trail." But never fear. She does nothing of
- the kind. The closing weeks of the campaign -- the last
- rallies, the absence of her preferred hairdresser on election
- night, the finale, the concession speeches -- occupy two pages,
- roughly half the space devoted to a subsequent river-rafting
- trip during which Kitty learned that "there are healthy and
- unhealthy ways of being alone."
-
- Now You Know is largely about all the unhealthy things Kitty
- did while she was alone -- first with diet pills, later with
- alcohol. As she makes clear in a preface, even at the time she
- was completing these memoirs she was in and out of Edgehill
- Newport hospital, Four Winds hospital and the emergency room
- of the Brigham and Women's Hospital, to which she was rushed
- after ingesting rubbing alcohol. By the time the book was
- nearly finished, so was Kitty; home for Christmas in 1989, she
- was drinking nail polish remover, after-shave, hair spray,
- anything she could get her hands on.
-
- The chronology is important because it helps explain the
- shallow intimacy of most of the book. Not until the end does
- she come to grips with her capacity for denial and deception.
- The earlier parts are filled with foamy self-analysis. "I lived
- under a Damoclean sword of accusation," she writes of her
- childhood, "and at any given moment it could drop and cut off,
- if not my head, my confidence." During the primaries, she says,
- "I couldn't measure up, so I measured out the booze. My low
- opinion of myself reached a new high."
-
- The source of her troubles, she suggests, was her imperious
- mother, who was herself addicted to diet pills. When Kitty was
- 18, she learned that her mother had been an adopted child.
- Within months of this revelation, Kitty too was on diet pills;
- she sought to escape her mother's influence by marrying a high
- school beau, despite the "total absence of compatibility." They
- divorced four years later.
-
- Her account of life with Michael is placid by comparison.
- Even the section on the 1988 campaign is an album of wardrobe
- decisions, packing tips and notes on sprays that remove
- wrinkles from clothing. Through it all Michael remains a
- shadowy figure: always decent, always supportive, often
- maligned. "He doesn't show his emotions easily, but, dammit,"
- she swears, showing her emotions easily, "he has them. I
- wouldn't be married to him if he didn't!"
-
- In the third section of the book, devoted to the months
- after the election, the glibness recedes. Kitty writes of
- waiting for Michael to leave in the morning, then breaking out
- the vodka, unplugging the phone, drawing the blinds and passing
- out. She drank the dregs from the wineglasses after parties and
- gulped peanut butter to disguise the smell. Her isolation was
- matched only by her shame: she had often been held up to the
- public as a model of a recovered addict. In the final pages,
- as she describes losing everything, Kitty finds her strongest
- voice. By the end, she'd win every vote for courage and all
- hopes for a victory.
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